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Banal was a bunch of SHIT.

Ass sex rules because destruction, degradation and ans are FUN. Obviously anal sex is the wrong idea. Part of the thrill, though, is disobeying your fundamental physiology.

And, unlike burning down a church, you get to keep your job and be a fully functioning adult in society. Just kidding.

Not really. Life is about dealing with things you would rather not deal with, like blood coming out of your asshole. I happened upon the miracle of muscle relaxers by accident.

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It took me a while to realise that the fluidity of the whole transaction could be attributed to the fact that I had been swallowing muscle relaxers daily never mind why. Anal lube is bullshit. With Robaxin, giro can put Ps in your B all day — anus of a girl you go, Robaxin executives, I just came up with your advertising slogan for you.

Who's in Kara's asshole now? How is this nothing other than hilarious?

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Or feminist literature. At the Dawn of Matriarchy.

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Why is it so unfathomable to think that girls actually like to GET fucked? Before I realised that I like to be treated like shit, I was having boring, terrible, P-in-the-V type sex.

It starts with chivalry and ends one forced, weak orgasm later. The worst thing that could happen is a perforated anus.

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But just like they say: If at first you don't succeed, keep sticking a dick in your ass till you. Follow Kara on Twitter: This story is over 5 years old.